Full of hatred

Seeing myself in the mirror irritating my soul. And I hate for being myself. I even hate because I'm hating myself. I don't know how many times I reminding myself to appreciate the life given even it was full by darkness. I don't know how many times I try searching the happiness but at the end the only thing  that envelop me is the ghost inside me. I am still stuck in the same place.

I am not sure if I really need people to help me out. Whenever I feel I need to have one, the undescribed feeling inhibiting the need and it was gone.. and it came again haunting my life. And I still stuck.

It was hard for me these days. I can't even say a word about what I feel, what I want to say. I hate all the expectations people gave me. I hate people around me. I feel like I was a burden to them & I hate because I feel that. These days have made my soul burn darker. I don't really feel anything & I hate that. The emptiness surrounding myself and I don't know if I love that or not.

I don't know. Maybe I've decided my life. I've throw so many people away from me. And I don't know will I continue doing that.

Seeing myself then made me feel like I've changed a lot. And I don't know whether I like this change or... Confusing myself.

Writing a post to myself is the only thing that I could do to get rid of all that feeling. And I will continue writing until the pain is gone.

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