Faking

I feel nothing this time raya. The enjoyment, happiness... Where did they go? Maybe somewhere far away from me. Stop playing hide and seek with me.

No a proper family portrait photo like before. And I feel like something is wrong. Seeing people on Instagram made me envy and curious how they manage to feel the excitement. I want that too. Me? It's fake. The smile. It's fake. I just don't want to be scolded by mom for not being sportive.

But really. I am saying this to myself. I am grateful for what I have this raya. If I won't say that, then maybe I'm being arrogant to god. Truly grateful.

I only can raya less than a week. Then I have to go somewhere. I wanna be a new person there. I don't know anyone there & I just want they have other expectations towards me and maybe no expectations at all. I prefer the second one.

I am really sick of all the high level expectations. Forcing me to be munafake.

Anyway, SHR myself!
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