Favorite things 2017


A planner from Mr DIY.

A random notebook from Mr DIY and favorite gel pen.


Favorite study notebook and mechanical pencil.

Thought poured into this notebook.

Cute rabbit scarf from LAMPU 2017.

Fav school-bag.

Fav tudung storage box from Miniso.

Love this bedding. 

Laptop and printer.

Fav mug.

Quotes.

Shoes.

Fav oversize ripped jacket (baru basuh kedut sejuta)

Monthly planner and ucen. 

How I survive with depression

Greetings.

Today we are surprised by the news of death K-pop Idol. Because of the depression.

Yes, depression is a serious matter. It's a disease that will haunting your life, will follow wherever you are going. No choice.

This is from what I've been going through a few months ago.

Depression creeps upon you quietly. At the very beginning, you struggle with the little things but usually choose to ignore them.

It's like a headache, you'll tell yourself it's temporary and it'll pass. It's just another bad day. But, it's not. You're stuck in this state of mind. You get used to put on a social mask and continue to live among other people, because that's what you have to do. That's what others do. However, the problem does not go away. You struggle to put on a play everyday and it starts to cost you more and more. This is why you fall even deeper and that's when you slowly start to back away from friends and family. Sometimes, completely shutting them out.

All satisfaction is gone. The little things that used to bring you joy are now worthless. Even the simplest task become painful.

That is why you lack motivation. Now, why would you keep on trying if nothing makes you happy anyway? All of this makes you feel even worse and you get caught up in vicious circle.

Suddenly, you find yourself living in slow motion. Days become indistinguishable. Just white noise... Just heaviness... filling your mind and spilling over your body. You feel as though you'll feel never happy again. You continue to back away and destroy relationships. You're ashamed for everything you've done and everything you haven't.

There is a part of you that wants to make things right. A sudden positive upsurge makes you want meet people but... it's all very short-lived because you know it won't work anyway. Another failure is not an option, so in the end you choose to be alone in your comfort zone and no one asks any question. The low self-esteem and lack of purpose become unbearable. You finally realize you can't go on that way and two things can happen; you either decide to get help or you might attempt a suicide.

I know how painful it is.

I can't focus in class. My carrymark low as hell. I skipped class. I distanced myself from people. My hand shaking. My heart beats so fast. My body feels hot. My mind feels heavy af. I can't do anything. I feel like I gonna die soon and I wanna end all of this with the easiest way.

I bought about 2 papan panadol. I ate 5 of them at one time. If I can't die, it's enough if I just be hospitalised. Then, I realized it is the most fk decision that I took.

I know right. I'm out of mind.

I don't know who I can talk to. Because, I don't know how I can explain to them. Because I also don't know what happen to me. And, I afraid that they would tell me that is just me that cause all of that.

Finally, I have chosen to see a doctor. I got mc for a whole week. I stayed at home. I didn't use any social media. I ignored all the messages. I make time for myself. Only for myself.

I solat hajat every night. Told Him everything. Because He knows.

For you, which may be struggling against this disease. Find someone who you can talk to. This is just a disease. I know it's really painful. But, you can fight it well. Talk to Allah. Talk to someone. See the doctor and take medicine. Try to avoid suicide. It's really really hard ya I know. But, we can do this. You can do this.

For others, if someone wanna talk to you. Let him finish his talking. Don't you tell him your problem also. Support him. He may look fine outside, but he actually dead inside.

You know what, it's truly tough, But, you will be okay one day. You will see the light one day. I pray all of us will stay strong whatever is coming.


Image result for tumblr depressed

I wanna say thanks to some of you yang sentiasa ada waktu aku lalui kesulitan ni.
Ketahuilah, satu teguran hai pun dah memadai :)

Hamba

Pernah suatu ketika aku merasakan bahawa aku tidak mampu untuk terus berjalan. 
Pernah suatu ketika aku merasakan bahawa dunia ini tidak menyebelahi aku.
Terasa dihempap di atas bahu.
Terasa ditarik kaki aku. 
Terkurung aku dalam kekalutan fikiran yang tiada berkesudahan.
Lalu, aku dengan secebis rasa bertuhan, aku mula mencari di mana silapku. 
Ternyata banyak yang kutemu dan aku menangis semahu.
Allah.
Mengapa aku sebegini.
Dunia terasa kelam.
Baru aku tahu apa makna ditarik nikmat cahaya.
Cahaya yang selama ini menerangi tapi aku masih tidak menyedari.
Aku berada dalam suasana yang gelap dan suram dalam jangka masa yang lama.
Tidak aku kuat melainkan dengan kekuatanNya.
Setiap waktu aku tertanya bilakah penghujungnya.
Aku tidak mampu.
Tapi, kalamNya terus memujuk aku.
Suatu hari nanti pasti akan ku temui kembali cahaya itu.

Hari ini.
Masih di tempat yang sama.
Aku terus melalui hari aku.
Tetapi, harinya berbeza.
Setiap hari ini yang aku lalui, merungkai segala tanda tanya.
Setiap apa yang aku lalui, terasa diperjelaskan mengapa.

Lihatlah apa yang terjadi di sekelilingmu dengan mata hati.
Berpandukan iman dan akal, bukan nafsu.
Katanya.
Aku turuti.
Dan ku lihat suatu pemandangan yang mempersona.
Peritnya aku sewaktu dulu, aku terlupa.
Indah perancanganNya.

Benarlah.
Dugaan itu menguatkan.
Aku terlupa.
Berada dalam suasana yang selesa.
Hingga alpa.
Lalu Dia menegurku.
Mengingatkan aku bahawa aku lemah.
Aku tidak punya apa-apa.
Dia mengujiku.
Siapakah yang aku cari bila aku di tempat paling bawah. 
Aku ini hanya hamba.
Dan aku tidaklah mampu tanpa pertolongan Dia.

Setiap malam itu aku mengaku aku lemah.
Tidak aku malu untuk merendahkan diri dihadapanNya.
Kerana sewaktu itu, aku sedar aku hanyalah hamba.
Baru aku tahu apa itu berpijak di bumi nyata.
Aku hanyalah hamba.
Dunia ini hanyalah sementara.
Engkau berkuasa.


Tuhan.
Tiap kali aku fikir apa yang terjadi pada diriku.
Aku bersyukur semahunya.
Engkau Al-Wadud.
Maha Mencintai.
Cinta Engkau kepada hamba Engkau tidak pernah berkurang.
Walau cinta Engkau diperduakan.
Engkau masih setia di sisi.

Dipertemukan aku dengan yang baru.
Mereka berbicara mengenai tuhan.
Bersinar matanya.
Aku terdiam.
Kerana sudah lama ku tahu, tapi tidak pernah ku sedar.
Hadirnya mereka membuka mata.
Ilmu yang aku dapat hanya sia-sia.
Tidak aku amalkan.

Nikmatnya ujian itu ya tuhan.
Tidak ada kata yang mampu aku ungkapkan.
Untuk mengambarkan perasaan.

Hanya Engkau yang mengerti.
Kerana Engkaulah pemilik hati ini. 


Tasbih

Aku berada dalam bulatan itu. Satu ayat yang diungkapkan olehnya menjawab persoalan yang sentiasa bermain di fikiran aku.

Mengapa terasa begitu tenang tatkala aku menalakan pandangan aku ke langit dan ciptaanNya? Aku terasa ingin merakamkan setiap inci sudut supaya mereka juga turut dapat melihat lalu merasai kenikmatan dan ketenangan sepertimana yang aku rasai.

Katanya, "Apa yang ada di langit dan di bumi itu sentiasa bertasbih kepada Allah. Dan Dialah yang Maha Perkasa, lagi Maha Bijaksana." 

Benarlah.







Pandangan dari tingkap bilik aku.
Paginya begitu indah.


Pandangan dari tingkap bas sewaktu ingin pulang ke rumah.



Teluk Cempedak.
Masa yang berbeza.




Port Dickson.
Mengupas bagaimana beruk berevolusi.


Pantai Sepat.
Penuh kenangan. 



Lasteen


Happy Birthday to me! ahahhaha ok cam biasalah every year aku copy paste wish kat sini lol























aku tak kenal dia ni tapi setiap tweet aku dia like lol thanks bro









Thanks azyyati call hihu