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ainilhusnaaa
ainilhusnaaa

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Greetings, I'm AinilHusna :)

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Assalamualaikum and greetings. Fyi, I blogged everything and basically blogged about my lyfe of course for some memories. So, please respect my blogsss.


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Unexpected

Assalamualaikum and greetings to all.

Rasanya baru beberapa hari je aku meninggalkan matrik. Mungkin kerana kerinduan aku pada matrik yang mendalam telah memanggil aku untuk datang ke sini semula bersama adik2 junior (acah)

Kemasukan aku ke matrik adalah 'kerana terpaksa aku relakan'. Keluar keputusan UPU dulu, aku rasa agak keciwa sebab gagal untuk ditempatkan di mana2. Memang aku yakinlah parents aku mesti rasa kecewa gak en. Tapi seingat aku, aku dapat gak tawaran ke politeknik. So kiranya ada jugaklah yang nak aku ni (LOL) Apapun, aku yakin pilihan yang aku buat InshaAllah datangnya dari Allah. Jadi, aku pilih matrik untuk aku sambung belajar.

Perasaan rendah diri itu ada sebabnya the only one in family yang tak dapat foundation & keputusan SPM yang Allahu. Apapun, hidup perlu diperjuangkan huhuhu. Memang rasa down semua ada sebab rasa 'bodoh'nya kan.

Tapi nak katanya, life kat matrik best jugak even agak penat & akan rasa stress yang melampau sebab banyak benda kena cover. Anyway, aku rasa bersyukur sebabnya rasa dipermudahkan dekat sini. Blok dekat dengan semua tempat, tingkat 1 (ni penting sebab takyah naik banyak tangga), dekat dengan masjid, kawan semua gila, lecturer power & bebaik. Banyak benda lah yang boleh disyukurkan di sini.

Dulu aku cuma percaya bahawa apa yang terjadi ada hikmahnya. Walaupun perkara tu sukar untuk diterima, tapi semuanya pasti ada baiknya. Dulu aku hanya percaya. Tapi, bila aku jejak langkahku disini, aku belajar untuk percaya dan yakin bahawa semua itu ada hikmah dan perancangan Allah itu sangat indah, tidak terlintas dek fikiran.

Lepas result sem 1,  (tak dapat 4flat pun) kita kena apply UPU huhuhu. So, mak aku memang agak menyarankan untuk aku ikut jejak langkah kakak aku en. Tapi aku rasa aku dah menyimpang jauh dan minat aku takde pun ke arah tu. Pendapat aku, mungkin lah sebab takde lagi dalam family aku yang mintak course yang aku mintak ni (software engineering) so mak aku agak risau lah aku tak boleh bawak course yang aku tak tau pun benda apa ni. Dan sering jugak mak aku suruh aku apply jadi ustazah even dah berkali aku cakap aku tak boleh sebab UPU tak tawarkan untuk matrik. Maybe dia tak tahu aku memang nak jadi ustazah & sangat berkelayakan, ustazah kepada anak anak aku hahahahaha kkkkkk. Memang selalu jugak dia mendesak.

So haritu, mak aku bagitau yang sepupu aku tu apply dental untuk degree. Dia kata macam tulah kenapa aku tak apply pe semua & I was like okay... Takpelah I wanna try this field (CS)... Memang risau jugaklah... Betul ke keputusan yang aku buat ni....

Apapun, yakinlah dengan keputusan yang dibuat pastinya ilham dari Allah.

Lepas result sem1 keluar, aku termintak scholarship yayasan telekom malaysia (YTM). Memang ter pun. Pastu, time haritu nak habis matrik dah, aku bukak email kat kiosk, sekali dapat email dia suruh update details yang aku bagi. Tapi dah terlepas. Email tu bulan 3, aku bukak bulan 4 lol.

Then redhalah time tu sebab memang dah terlupa gila en. Then lepas habis sem 2 haritu, aku memang dah lupa yang aku mintak scholarship ni. Tetiba aku terbukak email sebab time tu aku lupa password VSCO. Pastu ternampak email invitation ke interview dekat TM. Interview 31 May. Email sampai 25 May. Tarikh tutup untuk confirmation pukul 2 petang 29 May. Tapi aku bukak email tu pukul 9 malam 29 May. Lol. So, confirm je lah and alhamdulillah diterima lagi huhuhuhu.

So, dengan tetibanya pergi KL untuk interview tu padahal patutnya aku ada program lain time tu. Terpaksa korbankan program tu. Dari pukul 7 pagi sampai 5 petang interview (ko bayang bapak penat lah sia)

Diorang inform Jumaat, 2 Jun keluar result melalui email. So, tak dapat email tu fefaham jelah.

Hari pun tiba... Aku tak dapat pun email tu. Sedih ah weh. Bangun pagi mak aku tanya ada tak email. Memang redha lah. Tapi nasib baik time tu aku ke matrik sebab nak bersama adik2 lol. So, takde lah dihujan pertanyaan sangat oleh parents aku hehehehe. Memang tak dapat, Aku pun redha, takpelah. Mungkin bukan rezeki aku lagi kalini.

So, aku pun melalui hariku seperti biasa.
Sedang aku berehat setelah membina otot angkat baju kakom adik2,


InshaAllah, I will continue my study on 3rd July at MMU course software engineering full scholarship by Telekom Malaysia. 

Thanks Allah. Can't put into words how thankful I am. Thanks for choosing me. 

I keep saying this to me & people around me, Allah knows the best, people. Just put your trust on Him. He will do something that you never imagined. 

Finally, one of my checklist (to make parents proud of me) done(not so done). Anyway, there's a longggggggg journey I must go through & I don't have any idea what will I go through & what Allah has planned​ to me. 

This is just the beginning. I believe it must be something behind all of this. I mean you know, something that will make me stronger. Hujan duri badai. 

Pls pray for me, really need your dua guys ❤

**Thanks mama abah, kakak, abangah, kak mira, family pok sedara mok sedara, misyu, shamin & mad atas segala pertolongan & sokongan waktu nak g iv tu 😅😅😅❤

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Ketenangan

sendiri menyepi
tenggelam dalam renungan
ada apa aku
seakan ku jauh dari ketenangan
perlahan ku cari
mengapa diriku hampa
mungkin ada salah, mungkin ku tersesat
mungkin dan mungkin lagi
oh Tuhan aku merasa
sendiri menyepi
ingin ku menangis menyesali diri
mengapa terjadi
sampai kapan ku begini
resah tak bertepi
kembalikan aku pada cahayaMu
yang sempat menyala benderang di hidupku
perlahan ku cari mengapa diriku hampa
mungkin ada salah, mungkin ku tersesat
mungkin dan mungkin lagi
oh Tuhan aku merasa sendiri menyepi
ingin ku menangis menyesali diri, mengapa terjadi
sampai kapan ku begini, resah tak bertepi
kembalikan aku pada cahayaMu yang sempat menyala
oh Tuhan aku merasa sendiri, aku merasa sendiri
sampai kapan begini, resah tiada bertepi
ooh ku ingin cahayaMu benderang di hidupku

Wishes that came true

Assalamualaikum and greetings to all.

It has been a while I didn't update my blog because of this messy life. Frankly I say, I miss when my fingers running on this keyboard to express whatever that have crossed my mind. I miss sharing my life story and read it whenever I feel I wanna go back to the old times.

I wanna share everything I've go through right now. However, it will take a long time just to finish this.

About 1 month left before I leave matric. There are so many unpredictable things that have happened when I was here. All the things that have made me stronger than before, made me accepting myself and appreciating my life. I've learned a lot here. Experience had taught me more than lecturers did. I guess.

Last two days, I've entered 'Young Programmer' competition. Honestly, this is what I've dreamed of since I know computer. Luckily, life in matric had gave me a chance to participate it. Masa first stage, we were given subjective paper & it was truly hard. I don't know what I've wrote on that paper. I just wrote whatever I remembered. Time given only 20 minutes. When I wanna pass the paper, I was like, "Ya Allah, ada lagi soalan kat belakang aku tak perasan langsung.. I'm gonna die...."

Masa tu, I really really feel I can't make it. We were asked to stay in Harvard Hall to get the result who are able to go to the next stage (which is the programming stage). I entered the hall & suddenly... "29656".. I was like... "tu no matrik aku ke tu" Can't believe until now, I terpilih untuk pergi final. Can't describe what I feel on that moment. The task given was hell. But, alhamdulillah I can make the coding even takdelah menjadi sangat. 1 jam setengah to finish the programming. Huhu I'm totally crazy because when I became so brave to volunteer myself in participating this kind of competition???? Jap nak bangga dengan diri sendiri.

Oh, another wishlist yang tercapai dekat matric ni ialah, I've did a presentation about Naruto!!! In front of my classmates. Oh my god... I was really really really excited you can't imagine what I've felt back then. I don't know where my 'keberanian, ketakmaluan' come from.

Also, I quite perform in this subject (bukan nak bangga lah) But, tu fakta. Haha.  Maybe, this is what we called.. "Allah gantikan kedukaan kita dengan sesuatu yang kita terfikir pun." Which is, I never expect I was able involving myself into this course. I just feel I want to, but I don't know how. Then Allah has showed me the way. MashaAllah.

Allah knows better. 


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Soul

There will be a moment in your life that you'll feel down, frustrated and lost. Mixed feelings in your heart, you can't explain them by words. The only things you can do are crying, making distance with people around you & try to let things go. You feel it is better for being alone. You fucked up people that surround you. You bear in your mind, you don't need them. You are trying so hard. Until the moment you realised, you are actually lying yourself. Your heart broke into pieces. You've failed. You put your hands on your chest & keep asking yourself why you can't make it. You're being stress. All alone. You'll feel nobody need you. You feel left out. Poor your soul. It's totally hurt.

Everyone will feel this. That feelings come from nowhere.

Personally, I've felt this. So many times. I guess you've felt this too. It's hurt isn't it? You trying hate them, but actually you love them. You trying forgetting them, but the fact is they always playing in your mind. When they approach you, you put your ego between you and them. Then, you cried. Because, you don't meant it. You start hating yourself. Why you behave like this & that? You keep asking yourself, keep blaming yourself. Your soul damaged once again.

This is the starting point where you teach yourself to become heartless. You change the bio on your social media saying you are heartless. When people asking you what you feel, you answered, nothing. You lied yourself. You tortured you heart. How dare you.

You can do all of this. But, there will be a day that you will give up. You feel tired & not strong enough to 'face' it. Actually, you don't face it, you escape. That problems will always hunting you.

Wake up. Make a time for yourself to relax. Appreciate yourself. Don't excruciating your mental, emotion & physical.