Lasteen


Happy Birthday to me! ahahhaha ok cam biasalah every year aku copy paste wish kat sini lol























aku tak kenal dia ni tapi setiap tweet aku dia like lol thanks bro









Thanks azyyati call hihu















Circles



It always important to look at those around you, look at their character, their speech & their actions.
Your friends can either make you or break you so choose wisely.
A real friend who helps you in Deen, ones who wants to help better yourself as Muslim.
Help your friends for the sake of Allah.
Love them for the sake of Allah.

Dream

It feels like a dream.
When you say something that I never imagined.
It feels like a dream. 
Because yesterday I can only see you from afar. 
It feels like a dream. 
Because today you are a different person from who I've known before.

Time flies too fast. 
We've learned so much from our past.
We tend to look for what our tomorrow looks like. 

I thought it was a dream so I woke up hoping it to be gone but you're still there.
Now I know, it is a dream that becomes reality. 



Sambungan

Sautun Nahdhah: Kenapa Golongan Muda Tidak Minat Politik

Antara perbincangan yang menarik perhatian kebelakangan ini ialah tentang keterlibatan anak muda dalam politik tanahair bahawa golongan tersebut sudah semakin tidak meminati bidang politik. Disimpulkan kekurangan kehadiran anak muda dalam ceramah, aktiviti politik oleh parti politik dan peratusan pendaftaran pengundi.

Dilaporkan 14 juta pengundi umur 21 tahun telah pun mendaftar, terdapat 3.8 juta lagi yang belum. Beberapa kaji selidik yang dijalankan menunjukkan ramai golongan muda tidak meminati politik atas beberapa sebab,antara faktor utama kerana sudah meluat dengan karenah orang-orang politik serta parti-parti politik yang ada. Memang tidak boleh menolak faktor itu, banyak lagi faktor mempengaruhi anak-anak muda untuk tidak berpolitik dan hal ini bukanlah suatu yang baru.

Golongan muda masih terkial-kial mencari arah hidup yang menyebabkan mereka lebih menumpukan kepentingan peribadi berbanding yang lain. Soal pelajaran, pekerjaan, cinta, mencari jodoh, mengumpul wang, membina kerjaya dan sebagainya, merupakan faktor penting yang menjadi fokus golongan muda untuk “diselesaikan” terlebih dahulu, sebelum beralih kepada bidang politik.Terdapat pula anak muda sememangnya malas mengambil tahu tentang politik dan hanya mementingkan hiburan atau minat masing-masing sahaja. Ada pula mementingkan keluarga kerana tanggungjawab menyara atau berbakti kepada orang tua yang lebih mengutamakan. Ada pula takut berkecimpung dalam bidang politik, jika melawan arus hadapi risiko dipantau, dibuang kerja, ditangkap dan sebagainya. Halangan di masjid dan kampus, undang-undang zalim seperti akta hasutan, akta mesin cetak, akta himpunan aman, SOSMA, POCA dan lain-lain.

Pelbagai tekanan hidup dan kerosakan yang ada di bawah sistem sekular-demokrasi pula menjadikan fokus hidup golongan muda tidak keruan sehingga sebahagian mereka tidak mempedulikan politik atau masyarakat. Segelintir anak muda yang Islamik jiwanya, lebih memilih untuk menunggu munculnya Imam Mahdi yang akan menyelamatkan umat ini, tanpa berbuat apa-apa!

Ada yang memahami politik dengan makna yang sempit seperti pilihanraya atau parlimen. Ada yang memahaminya dalam konteks yang abstrak dan falsafah seperti pengambilan keputusan secara kolektif atau pembuatan polisi umum untuk masyarakat seluruhnya dan bermacam-macam pengertian lagi. Namun, yang paling popular ialah pendapat yang menganggap politik itu adalah kekuasaan dan segala hal yang terkait dengan kekuasaan, termasuklah perebutan untuk berkuasa.Hasil daripada salah faham inilah dan dengan melihat keburukan pemerintah dan parti politik. Memang benar politik itu jijik dan kotor, jika yang dimaksudkan itu ialah politik dalam sistem demokrasi pada hari ini!

Memahami Makna Sebenar Politik

Sesungguhnya tidak ada jalan lain untuk memahami pengertian politik(Islam) dengan cara yang benar kecuali merujuk kepada politik Islam (siyasah syar’iyyah),. Dari segi bahasa, perkataan politik (siyasah) bermaksud pemeliharaan dan pengaturan maslahat (kepentingan). Di dalam kamus disebutkan sustu al-ra’iyyata siyasatan ai amartuha wa nahaituha ai ra’itu syu’unaha bi al-awamir wa al-nawahi (aku memimpin rakyat dengan sungguh-sungguh iaitu aku memerintah dan melarangnya atau aku mengatur urusan-urusan mereka dengan perintah-perintah dan larangan-larangan). Menurut pengertian syarie, politik bermaksud ri’ayah asy-syu’un al-ummah dakhiliyyan wa kharijiyan(mengatur/memelihara urusan umat sama ada dalam atau luar negeri).

Justeru dalam Islam, mengurusi urusan umat dalam seluruh aspek kehidupan baik pemerintahan, ekonomi, pergaulan, uqubat, pendidikan dan lain-lain, inilah yang dimaksudkan dengan siyasah (politik). Selain menjadi dalil bahawa Khalifah-lah yang merupakan pengatur urusan umat, hadis tersebut menerangkan tentang peranan politik yang wajib dimainkan oleh pemerintah. Bagi pihak umat(individu muslim), memerhatikan atau mengambil peduli urusan sesama kaum Muslimin, melakukan amar makruf nahi mungkar dan memuhasabah pemerintah, adalah politik yang perlu dimainkan oleh umat. Rasulullah SAW bersabda,

“Barangsiapa di pagi hari tidak memerhatikan urusan kaum Muslimin, maka ia tidak termasuk golongan mereka (kaum Muslimin)” [HR al-Hakim].

Besarnya tanggungjawab politik islam dan pahala memuhasabah pemerintah sehingga siapa yang syahid dalam melakukannya diberi status sebagai penghulu syuhada’ oleh Rasulullah SAW sebagaimana sabda baginda,

“Penghulu syuhada’ ialah Hamzah dan seseorang yang berdiri di hadapan penguasa yang zalim lalu menasihatinya, kemudian ia di bunuh (oleh penguasa tersebut)” [HR al-Hakim].

Selain individu Muslim, tanggungjawab yang sama memerhatikan urusan kaum Muslimin dan memuhasabah pemerintah, merupakan fungsi dan tugas utama sesebuah parti politik dalam Islam. Firman Allah SWT,

“Dan hendaklah ada di antara kamu segolongan umat (jemaah) yang menyeru kepada kebajikan (Islam), menyuruh kepada yang makruf dan mencegah dari yang mungkar” [TMQ Ali Imran (3):104].

Berdasarkan nas yang jelas daripada al-Quran dan al-Hadis, berpolitik (dengan makna yang sebenar) merupakan sebuah kewajipan ke atas setiap individu Muslim dan juga jemaah Islam.

Maka, setiap Muslim dan jemaah Islam tidak ada pilihan kecuali wajib berpolitik, dengan maknanya yang sebenar. Ini kerana, politik adalah sebahagian daripada Islam, malah tidak boleh dipisahkan daripada Islam. Justeru, apa yang wajib dilakukan oleh golongan muda sekarang bukanlah menjauhkan diri daripada politik atau tidak mempedulikan politik, tetapi berpolitik dengan cara yang benar. Melarikan diri daripada politik bermakna melarikan diri daripada Islam itu sendiri! Perbuatan mementingkan diri sendiri sehingga tidak mempedulikan nasib dan keadaan saudara seIslam yang lain merupakan perbuatan yang diharamkan oleh Islam. Di sinilah pentingnya golongan muda memahami dan menjalankan tanggungjawab politik yang diletakkan oleh Islam ke atas setiap mereka.

Setelah memahami makna politik yang sahih, maka akan terlihatlah keindahan dan kesucian politik, mengatur urusan umat dengan syariah serta melakukan amar makruf nahi mungkar dengan al-Quran dan al-Sunnah. Adapun politik yang diamalkan dalam sistem demokrasi memanglah suatu politik yang kotor lagi jijik kerana membelakangkan al-Quran dan al-Sunnah dan amat jauh daripada amalan politik Islam yang sebenar.

Politik demokrasi lahir daripada akidah sekularisme yang memisahkan agama daripada kehidupan. Kerana itulah politik demokrasi dipenuhi dengan peraturan taghut (selain Allah), berasaskan kepada manfaat, penuh pendustaan dan tipu daya, permusuhan, perebutan kuasa, kebencian, penyesatan, kezaliman dan pelbagai jenis keburukan lainnya sebagaimana yang dapat kita saksikan pada hari ini. Ini semua terjadi kerana politik yang diamalkan bukanlah politik Islam, malah sekularisme memisahkan dan tidak membenarkan Islam dicampuraduk dengan politik.

 Sedarlah bahawa Islam tidak akan tegak secara kaffah kecuali dengan jalan politik. Sedarlah bahawa Negara Islam (Khilafah) juga tidak akan tegak kecuali dengan jalan politik. Sedarlah bahawa jika kalian tidak berpolitik dengan cara yang benar, maka kalian sebenarnya telah meninggalkan sebahagian daripada kewajipan yang penting dalam Islam dan kalian sebenarnya telah mencampakkan diri kalian ke dalam kebinasaan. Nauzubillah min zalik.

Fikrah

Assalamualaikum and greetings to all!

I wanna share a story or an opinion from my perspectives since I got a lot of questions like why am I keep supporting this politic things since then. I am sure that people who know me since school already knew that I will participate whenever there are pru.

I got some questions like asking why am I strongly believe this kind of things because nowadays politics are so dirty and nasty. Like I was so istiqamah since then and how I know that this is the one? Is the government not good enough? What's wrong with today's ministers? Isn't pas use islam as a way to get voters?

There are so many questions I got. So many. Like you cannot count how many there are because I started involving since I was in primary school. So, to make it clear, I will explain to you how, what, when, where and why?

Ramai ingat yang my parents ustaz/ah. Maybe because my appearance kot? Eh? Not really. Abah bukan yang berkopiah hijau bulat putih tengah. Mama bukan tudung bulat. (Appearance orang pas macam ni kot bagi aku?) My family juga bukannya yang pergi perhimpunan pas. Bukannya yang belajar pondok. Bukan orang kelantan. I mean you know bukan ciri-ciri pas lah (ek eleh ada ke ciri-ciri pas) just beshe je. So, how I know all of this?

Mengharungi samudera kehidupan
Kita ibarat para pengembara
Hidup ini adalah perjuangan
Tiada masa tuk berpangku tangan

Aku start tahu semua benda ni since aku darjah 4. Ok darjah 4 aku dah tahu like seriously ainil? Because, if I'm not mistaken waktu darjah 4 which is 2008 ada PRU12. I totally forgot how I know about pas. I think I know Allahyarham Tuan Guru Nik Aziz, then dari situ I know pas and I believe that this is the one. Masa tu juga I know Tuan Guru Hadi, Tuan Guru Harun Din and mereka juga pas. So that's why. But I totally forgot how I know them, maybe through facebook kot?


Ni antara profile photo terawal. Can you see the date?

Itu antara sejarah macam mana aku berkenalan dengan dia ni.

Seterusnya, pengalaman aku dalam melibatkan diri dalam gerak kerja ni (ceh acah sangat).

Program pertama yang aku pernah sertai adalah ceramah pas. Masa tu form berapa eh tak ingat. Form 1 atau form 2. Masa tu cuma dengar je walau tak faham satu habuk pun. Ceramah pas kawasan rumah aku. Seterusnya, nak dekat pru13, aku join flashmob dekat pekan. Selepas tu, aku ada join juga beberapa kem pas. Paling baru RUU355 lah.

Bergeraklah ke gerbang jasaKalah menang bukan alasannyaSucikanlah niat dihatiHingga nyata benarnya janji Rabbi

This story I must share with you. Pindah smk. And kebetulan time tu, ada student baru, afaf dari maahad darul ulum, suaidah which is pelajar lama kat situ, and me baru pindah dari sma and suprisingly kitorang semua sefikrah ok. Nak diceritakan, kelas kitorang ada 15 orang je. Perempuan 12 orang. So basically, me, afaf & suaidah dah confirm sefikrah. Tapi, aku dengan afaf ni student baru & suaidah ni student lama. So, suaidah cerita kat kitorang, "Korang tahu tak, saya sorang je pas dalam kelas ni, saya sokmo kalah tapi InshaAllah sekarang kita makin kuat" Sumpah kelakar gila bila ingat suaidah mengadu macam tu. So, kitorang diberitahu oleh suaidah yang yatt pun macam nak sefikrah tetapi macam dihasut oleh pihak kerajaan. Pihak kerajaan ni ahlinya balqis, wana, wani. Yatt ni kawan baik dgn wana wani so dia macam confuse lah. hahaha kelakar gila. Then, kitorang tarik yatt ni. Then, bila kitorang brainwash yatt ni, yatt ni dah yakin dgn fikrah dia, alhamdulillah dapat satu ahli. hahaha. Then, ain ni dia macam dua dua sebab mak ayah dia sorang bn, sorang pas. Then, kitorang brainwash ain, then ain ni alhamdulillah sefikrah. Hahahaha. Kelakar ok senanya. Dalam kelas dulu kitorang selalu perang politik ok. Seriously memang kelakar kalau ingat balik tapi manis je huhu.


Bila diberi kesempatan untuk sertai benda macam ni, mestilah ada rasa dalam hati. Betul ke aku ni? Betul ke benda ni? Rasa was-was. I asked this waktu kem haritu sebabnya banyak fitnah dilemparkan kepada pas, kepada pemimpin pas, jadi macam mana kita nak teruskan yakin dan istiqamah? So what she said was, "Bila kita yakin dgn jemaah kita tu, kita yakin dgn murabbi kita. Kita tahu murabbi kita bukan calang-calang orang, tinggi ilmu, jadi kita yang kena yakin. Ada apa yang mengelirukan kita tanya pada ahlinya."

Cabaran yang aku hadapi ialah.. takdelah cabaran mana. Cuma, haritu classmate aku tiba-tiba bangkitkan isu ni dekat aku. He asked me kenapa aku pilih jemaah ni. Banyak lagi kan jemaah lain. Hijau ke oren ke biru ke semua kotor. Pada pendapat aku, itu terpulang kepada pandangan masing-masing. Tak kenal maka tak cinta.

Seterusnya, naqibah usrah aku pun turut bangkitkan isu yang sama dekat aku. Dia kata dia allergic dengan jemaah ni sebab nampak ekstrem. Mengapa perlu berjemaah? Jemaah ni nampak macam terlampau taksub. Aku mengakui tak semua hari ini menerima kehidupan berjemaah. Jemaah tabligh, jemaah tu jemaah ni. Islamophobia. Dulu pun, aku agak allergic dengan mereka ni sebab betul ke mereka ni? Tapi, bila kenal kawan yang dari jemaah ini itu ini dan menyedari hakikat kepentingan hidup dalam berjemaah, aku dah boleh terima. Aku cuba tanya beberapa kawan yang luar daripada semua ni, memang diorang agak takut juga dengan jemaah ni. Then my cousin juga banyak yang takut dengan semua ni. Tak salahkan diorang yang tak tahu, cuma mungkin diorang tak disampaikan kefahaman dan kesedaran tentang benda ni macam aku dulu. So, kita-kita yang sedar yang faham ni kena sampaikan pada yang lain.

Assaff, Ayat 4

Benda ni mungkin nampak berat. Pada awalnya, rasa macam betul ke betul ke but then bila dah lelama InshaAllah akan rasa manisnya dan kekadang kita tercari-cari benda tu.

Penerimaan parents aku? Alhamdulillah, parents aku sangat terbuka dan menyokong apa yang aku lakukan. Sebab mereka faham dan mereka yakin dengan fikrah ini.

Jadi hari ini, aku officially sebagai ahli pas. Apa yang aku lihat tanzim sekarang, laju gila. Kami mungkin agak busy sebab nak dekat pru14 dan agak banyak benda yang kami perlu lakukan. Jadi, doakan gerak kerja kami ya. (tetiba ayat skema)


Akhirnya, kalau kita dah yakin dengan jalan ini, teruskan jangan berpatah balik. Mana-mana yang kita sertai, kalau tujuannya kerana Allah, InshaAllah Dia akan mudahkan. :)


Kan melangkah kaki dengan pasti
Menerobos segala onak duri
Generasi baru yang telah dinanti
Tak takut dicaci tak gentar mati

Bagai gelombang terus menerjang
Tuk tumbangkan segala kezhaliman
Dengan tulus ikhlas untuk keadilan 
Hingga pertiwi gapai sejahtera

Takkan surut walau selangkah
Takkan henti walau sejenak
Cita kami hidup mulia
Atau syahid mendapat surga


Pursue

Assalamualaikum and greetings to all!

Final was over. I mean, for my first trimester. Ya guys, we use trimester instead of semester. For my first year, I have 3 trimester, first & second trimester is 3 month and the last trimester only 2 month. This trimester, I took 4 subjects, which are Programming Fundamental, Calculus, Discrete Structure and Probability and Professional Development. Only 3 of them require final and the last one only uses the coursework mark.

Overall, learning process here is fucking fast like you don't even have midsem-break, you don't even have any event to participate, like the only things you have to do is study. At first, I was really hard to get used to it. But now, I think I already can accept the fate that I currently pursuing my degree here, mmu.

The probability for me to repeat some papers for this trimester is high because for some reasons... I think I can swallow the truth. But at the same time, it was hard. But, I think I can. But... ugh.

So, for the next semester, I will take four subjects which are Computational Methods, Comp. Arch & Organization, Database Fundamentals, Object-Oriented Programming & Data Structured. Sounds cool. lol. Basically, our first year we (computer science students) study the same subjects and only for the second year & third year we will focus on our major. For example, I will focus on my major which is Software Engineering. In our faculty, there are 4 major which are Software Engineering, IT, Data Science & Game Development. Guess what? Software Engineering is the hardest! Hahaha nice choice ainil....

On the second year, we will do internship if I'm not mistaken on the third sem and the final year we will focus on our final project.

I guess I already done doing overview about my course in my uni?



I can't believe that I wrote that in my notebook. I almost forgot.  

Goals

Everyone has their own target, ambition, goal.  There may be some people who want to get married early, to get good grades in study, to be an artist, to be rich or to do their own hobby. But, the sad part is, people nowadays have to fight for their goals, not because they were not able or not talented, but because the obstruction from people around them. People who close to them.

I give you a situation if someone want to be a singer, or in other word to be an artist. So, he has to neglect his studies to pursue his ambition. But some of this fucking mouth said, he doing stupid things. He's stupid because he only study until SPM. NO pls. It is wrong! You may good at academic, but you are not good at singing. Your voice freaking bad than frog. He made money from those you called "stupid things".

Also there are some people who like to get married early, to spend her entire life being a housewife. People might say that, you're damn lazy girl who only think about marriage life. Fakof. Do you know how hard it is to be housewife? She can spend the rest of her life with her husband, her children. But you? How much time do you spend with them?

So, before we wanna say anything about what people doing especially the good one, think first. Are we good enough? Are we sure that whatever we're doing now is good? You may think that, "I just saying. Remind her. Remind him. Academic is more important." Fakof dude. If you measure people's intelligence using academic records, you are the stupid one. You are the most stupid and lame person in this world.

Image result for tumblr photography goals
So, for those who might struggle with your own goals and people backstabbing you, just ignore them and flip your hair. Remind yourself that it is your life and you have the mandate to decide what you want.

Final

Assalamualaikum and greetings to all.

So here I am again writing on my blog even though tomorrow is my first day of my final exam. I was so nervous and anxious at the same time because tomorrow's paper is Programming Fundamental. Frankly I say, I really bad at programming. I mean, I can do the assignment but it took a lot of time to accomplish it. I have to get help from my friends, use my friends' ideas and so on. So, for tomorrow's subject, of course we just have to write the code onto the paper and we have to compile and run it in our brain. Thus, I really hope some magic will occur such that my brain will function as a codeblocks tomorrow. I've went through some of the past year questions and it was truly hard for me.

Today, I woke up at 6 something to perform Subuh, then I slept until 10. I woke up and straightly went to toilet washing my face, brushing my teeth and going back to my room, looking my face in the mirror (in case some freaking pimples visit my face) There's no new pimples, felt blessed and I walked to my desk and try to study but it happened to be... scrolling instagram and twitter for hours and hours, watching youtube until there's no more videos I can watch. After Zuhr, I decided to get some fresh air outside (fresh air sangat dalam mall kan) I went to Dpulze by myself, I wore all black (this is so me when I feel lazy af) My favourite jubah hitam, my favourite shawl.



At the mall, I straightly went to the MPH Bookstore, stealing to read some books, cuci mata seeing all those kind of cute notebooks that I cannot afford, you know, I went there and in my pocket I just have 5 ringgit. Then, I went to the Daiso, Miniso then I buy some foods, I ordered ABC because I've been craving cendol since last week but there's no cendol here... Then, after killing my time there... I decided to go back to the hostel. But then, after arriving hostel, I feel like I still don't want to go upstairs. Then, I went to the masjid outside the MMU.


I solat Asr there. The masjid really nice, sejuk and I've been staying there until maghrib. I solat maghrib there, There are so many people and I really love the vibes, you know the masjid's vibes. You feel really tenang, people there reading quran, solat, and some of them just doing nothing. I took place at the back, charging my phone because before I go out, my battery just left 40% so, I took the charger and brought with me. Then... I just sit there, looking at people... thinking about myself... you know, just random thoughts appear on my mind and made me smile and cry at the same time. Thinking about my life. The reason why I wanna go out today because I feel really weak and not strong enough to face the final...So I have to do something to heal myself before anything happen....


I whatsapp kakak, told her what I feel... I don't know but whenever I told someone how I truly feel, my tears will streaming down my face, I cannot stop it. I'm so soft you know.... I really hard to tell people how I truly feel, and kakak is the first person I can tell whatever I feel.

[6:36 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Aini xperlu takut. Aini buat je. Aini xpyh pk lulus ke xke
[6:36 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Janji aini jwb exam
[6:36 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Buat xtaw perasaan tu
[6:38 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Kakak dulu xpenah habes pun stdy. Kekdg soklan kakak xdpt jwb mmg tggal kosong. Kdg mmg xsempat nk jwb. kwn2 kakak ramai tiru. Tp kakak xnak. Biarlah gagal yg penting kakak buat setakat kakak boleh dgn Cara betul
[6:38 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Mmg tawakal habes la
[6:39 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Byk Kali je fail
[6:40 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Xpe aini. Aini teruskn je. Kakak dulu malas nk cite penah dpt no 2 last dlm kelas
[6:40 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Buat xtaw je
[6:40 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Malas nk pk
[6:41 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Aini usaha mne boleh je skang
[6:41 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Yg penting kita teruskn melangkah
[6:41 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Kakak xpnh cite kat sespe pn dpt no 2 last tu
[6:41 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: 🤢
[6:42 PM, 10/10/2017] Kakak F ❤: Yg paling penting aini x berenti..terussss je. Anja doa buat solat hajat

[10:18 AM, 9/18/2017] Kakak F ❤: Salam anja. Anja kuatkn semangat taw. Amalkan baca Laa ila hailla anta subhanaka inni kuntu minaz zoolimin. Biar mudah urusan anja. Baca quran setiap hari at least 2 page/ 1 page. Kalo ade pape wassap kakak. Doa supaya dpt kwn yg baik InsyaAllah. Kakak dulu pn mcm anja jugak. Cuma xpnah gtaw mama abah. Simpan sorg. Tu yg kakak balik tiap2 mggu tu.  Kakak doakan anja happy bljr kat mmu n berjaya dunia akhirat💪🏽
[10:18 AM, 9/18/2017] Kakak F ❤: InsyaAllah 

People here laju gila. My classmates memang cepat pick up. Tapi I memang lembab gila nak mampus as always lah. So, last time during the induction program, I ate with one of my classmates. Just the two of us. Our last night there, I don't really have people to eat with you know aha but nowadays it doesn't bother me at all as long as no pimples on my face. I okay with it. Back to the story, she told me she cannot cope with her academic. She told me that maybe she will get 0 for the test 2, she cannot answer all the questions, she feels so insecure with her friends, (I said right our classmates memang laju gila) She happened to cry in front of me, told me everything. I felt so sorry... I really understand what she felt because I've felt that too before.

When she told me that, it reminds me what my friend said to me,

x pe laa nilll,,,, x de blajo yg senang ,, Allah dh tetapkn stu jlan ,,kalo kite x mampu , Allah x kan mudahkn awk msuk mmu
Skrg ni teruskn je...blajo slow² ,,, bialah org lain pndai,,, walapon Kita lmbat
Xpi Allah x pndang hasil, yg pnting usaha tu

Tomorrow is my final exam. But, tomorrow is not a final day for me. I may fail for those subjects, but I will not fail in my life. I'm strong inside.

p/s: Uber has promotion of RM4, so that's why I  can go there and there for free.. acting like I have my own driver...



Teman

Hari ini aku mahu berkongsi sedikit perkongsian yang dikongsikan oleh sahabatku,

Bismillahhirrahmanirrahim.
Saya kongsi ni bkn sbb saya top student tapi supaya saya dan jgk sahabat2 saya dapat seimbangkan jadual utk dunia dan akhirat dlm kehidupan seharian @ lebih baik kalau lebihkan akhirat.

4.30 pagi-Bagun,bersihkan diri qiam,mengaji dan kalau masih ada masa study sikit.
5.49 pagi- solat subuh(kalau boleh berjemaah)
-baca mathurat dan mengaji
7.00 pagi-breakfast dan study sblum kelas start.
8.00 pagi - pergi kelas
5.00 ptg - balik kelas,solat asar,makan,bersihkan diri
6.00 ptg- baca mathurat,dengar tazkirah,riadah,rehat
7.15 mlm-solat maghrib(kalau boleh prg surau spya kita dekat selalu dgn rumah Allah)
Antara mahgrib dn isyak- mengaji,dgr ceramah @ solat sunat
Lepas isyak- study,ulangkaji apa yg dah bljr haritu, dan study topic yg akn belajar pd keesokan harinya
11.00-Tidooo 😴😴

p/s:Kalau boleh pastikan setiap solat fardu solat berjemaah
:kalau boleh setiap kali lps solat baca alquran at least 1 m/s
:klau kls x pack solat lah dhuha

Ini amalannya.
Aku mengenalinya sejak zaman matrik. Perwatakannya tenang, mulutnya sentiasa terkumat-kamit berzikir. Dari hari pertama aku melihatnya, aku mula merasai aura ketenangannya sampai kepadaku. Apabila aku diizinkan oleh Allah untuk berada dalam satu jemaah dengannya, aku bersyukur. Satu peluang yang diberikan untuk aku mendekatinya.

Sejujurnya, aku merindui setiap bait kata yang diucapkan olehnya, aku merindui untuk melihat kerendahan hatinya, aku merindui ta'lim yang disampaikan olehnya, aku merindui segala nasihatnya. Begitu berhemah. Ilmunya tinggi, tapi sifat zuhudnya lebih tinggi.

Apabila dia berkongsi cerita tentang keluarganya, aku terpaku mendengar. Keluarganya bukan orang biasa-biasa, jauh bezanya. Lahirnya dia dalam sebuah keluarga tabligh, penuh pengisian, penuh pengajaran, penuh pengorbanan.

Mungkin dia bukanlah yang sempurna, tapi sifat kesempurnaan itu sedikit sebanyak ada pada dirinya. Membuat aku kagum dan tidak jemu untuk berbicara dengannya. Kerana setiap pebicaraan itu, pasti membuatkan hati sentiasa teringatkan tuhan.

Begitu juga dengan yang lain.

Aku merindui setiap perkongsian dan juga peringatan yang diberikan. Makin lama manisnya makin dirasai. Aku merindui untuk mendengar mereka berbicara tentang tuhan, membuat diri terlupa akan kesibukan dunia. Dan aku merindui segala-galanya dari hari pertama aku mengenali mereka hinggalah saat ini. Andai aku tahu betapa manisnya jalinan persahabatan yang dibina atas nama tuhan, pasti aku menerimanya dengan hati yang terbuka dari saat yang pertama. Apapun jua, aku masih bersyukur kerana aku tidak terlambat untuk menyedarinya.

Dan doa daripadaku untuk kita semua, agar sentiasa teguh di jalan ini. Agar mampu istiqamah mengharungi jalan yang kita lalui. Moga Allah jaga kita semua :)

“Teman yang paling baik adalah apabila kamu melihat wajahnya, kamu teringat akan Allah, mendengar kata-katanya menambahkan ilmu agama, melihat gerak-gerinya teringat mati. Sebaik-baik sahabat di sisi Allah ialah orang yang terbaik terhadap temannya dan sebaik-baik tetangga di sisi Allah ialah orang yang terbaik terhadap tetangganya.” (HR. Hakim)

Week

I started having this kind of illness since I was 17. I cannot control my mind from thinking too much, and I will think about it until my heart beats so fast.

And now, there are so many things have happened in my life. Situation here has made it become worst. Last two weeks, probably the worst week I had in my life. I feel my head gonna explode. The anxiety is real. I went to the clinic and the doctor gave me anti-depressants with mc for a whole week. I went there alone by taking uber and it was the first time I go to the clinic at putrajaya. On the same day, I went to the putrajaya sentral, also by myself and bought bus ticket on the spot to kuantan.

I didn't told anyone that I got MC, except the lecturers. Including my roommate. I got many messages from my friends here asking me where am I, do I quit the school and what so ever. I ignored all of their messages until friday.

The week that I told you, the heaviest week in my life, I don't know how many times I've been crying. I shut people out. I don't eat. I sleep for the whole day. No, I don't want to remember anymore how was me on that week.

The anti-depressants, it gave me headache. But it helps to control my mind, my heartbeat. The side-effects so cruel. My body feel so weak. I know I can not take it too much since it has bad effects to me. But, I have to.

Now, I start to do all the things by myself. I go everywhere, buy foods, go to class just by myself. I barely talk. And I don't have any idea what I want to talk about. I distance myself from people, so they will not have any chance to give my any anxiety.

I went through day by day all by myself. I try not to think anything that made me feel worst and told myself "it's okay for being like this and that".

Musing

I just finished reading this e-book, 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck" by Mark Ronson. Though the title of the book may seem abusive, it represent my mind as it clearly and precisely explains everything I've felt. The way I think and envisage about something was changed. Because of this book.

I knew the right way to not give a fuck or in the simpler word, idgaf. What thing you should give and what you shouldn't give, it has been described in the book.
Image result for tumblr photography 

Perhaps if you wanna know how I think, then you have to read this book. No, I am not persuade you to think the way I think, but if you ask me what books that I recommend you to read, then this one. Besides the Teme Abdullah's book, this one is highly recommended by me.

Let's see if you have the same judgment and introspection as me or not.

Sentimental

My oldest sister will getting married soon.

Genuinely, I don't know whether I have to feel content -because my sister already met someone that she will spend her entire life- or dismal -because I will lose someone who is indeed valuable in my life.

This sister, gap between us is 8 years. Thus, when I about to learn A B C, she already knew the existence of integers. When I just knew that sublimation is a process from gas to solid, she already knew about the chemistry is divided by two- organic & inorganic compound. When I realized that we can add x to y, she already knew everything about what I just knew. The gap between us spread us apart yet we still have each other's back. What I meant is, when I still young -do not have problems to share- she cared me like a little child and I back then demanded almost everything.(Probably a common behavior of child) She bought me this and that, pinky & girly barbie stuffs. She granted my inane wish- decorating our room or perhaps making western or korean foods.

When I get older, exactly can comprehend someone and be a good listener, I started share anything with her- our cherished, aspiration, notion, struggle, conflict or in one word, life. We love chattering about our life as we also can grab the opportunity to get to know each other. After the exam, I get to stay with her for a few months at home since both of us waiting for our result. Me- spm's result while her-work result. We took the chance by having a great long night conversation & she told me everything, from her first crush until her sickness of pursuing her ambition. That moment, I feel like it was the first day I know who truly she was. Ya, our gap being a shield to our closeness but I am grateful despite that I still have time to feel this blissful.

 

She taught me almost everything with her own style. I'm not really sure and don't like to concede that she's so fascinating. She has positive vibes around her and that what made me adore her. She can drive you batty with her pontianak laugh. I also hate to say this but she almost good at everything. This made me thinking that the first child can be anything she/he wants to. My sister can bake even sometimes the cake taste like cookies. She also can draw, decorate and can cogently making decision. How impressing.

She's a dentist. My parents' glory. Whenever I tell people about her job, people will get impressed. (perhaps) "Doktor....." She also got scholarship for her studies. Her result was beyond my imagination, 11A's in spm. 9A's in pmr. 5A's in upsr. In other words, straight A for all examinations she sat. Her brain, I don't know how it functions since mine ya.

In just a few days, she will get married. Last night probably be the last night we had conversation about life- her afterlife- I mean her new life. She told me her feelings and what if what if.

The person that we want his/her stay by our side along our life will leave, someday. Made me thinking and feel like we have to make a good memories with that person. Even they will forget the other day, It's okay. Life once. Whatever situation happened once in our lifetime. Cherish every moment. And me also will embrace everything even the petty one I treasured with the people around me who bring me into different perception about life. Because the next day, it wouldn't be the same, or am I overly sentimental?

Paramount

Everyone has their own hardships that they have to surmount. Yet my friends. If you look at them, you won't see anything. But, if you look deeply in their eyes, you can see almost everything.

This group of friends that I have, not from an affluent family. Money is a huge problem. They truly struggle to find that piece of shit. Despite the struggle they had to go through, they still laugh and cheer everyone around them. How fascinating.

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Let me introduce some of my friends' financial predicament.

This friend- Her mom suffered from a cancer long time ago. At 12, she has lost the most valuable person in her life. Her dad is a self-employed and was married another woman to complete his life after losing the loved ones. She has no problems with her stepmother but feel like a little bit awkward. We had spent almost entire time together at that school and I never see her parents visit her. Only her uncle/aunty. When she desperately want something, I know she will starved herself.

This friend- She is the oldest. Her mom was suffering from an ailment- idk what kind of ailment is it- and was commuting from home to the hospital for the treatment. She has to work by herself to find some money for her university's necessities and her own longing.

This friend- Her parents divorced and her father nowhere to be found. She has to work by herself to pursue her study. A distinguished student with her straight A's SPM, 4 flat every semester. Almost good at everything. She was attempting to get the scholarship back then. Practically almost all scholarship's interview she has went and none of them were her sustenance. But then, the last one. She made it. With the scholarship she got, I know she saving strenuously. Forgetting what her stomach saying.

Pain is extricable thread in the fabric of life and to tear it out is not impossible, but destructive. Many people saying that, money cannot bring contentment or satisfaction meanwhile for some people-money not only bring enjoyment but also can solve almost everything. Every single second in our lives need this piece of paper. To light on- to switch on the fan- wearing a shirt. We can possess all of these by money.

So, how come people can say this [   $   ] are not so paramount in one's lives?

Kuat

Titipan untuk diriku.

Moga kau kuat. Pejamkan mata dan hiraukan apa yang berlaku disekelilingmu. Ini hanyalah ujian dari tuhan untuk melihat sejauh manakah kau mampu bertahan dan kepada siapakah engkau bergantung harapan. Mungkin kau sudah jauh dariNya dan Dia menegurmu dengan cara ini. Terimalah dengan hati terbuka dan hadapilah apa sahaja yang dibentangkan dihadapanmu.

Apalah sangat ujian ini jika dibandingkan dengan nikmat yang engkau terima? Besar sangatkah ujian ini hingga kau lupakan segala rezeki yang diturunkan kepada engkau sehingga saat ini? Sudahlah mengeluh dengan ujian ini. Kerana tanpa engkau sedari, ujian ini merupakan satu nikmat dari tuhan mu yang tidak pernah kau syukuri.

Pesanan pada diriku juga,

Jangan meletakkan harapan pada mereka yang ada disekelilingmu. Kerana, mereka tidak selalunya ada. Cukuplah hanya kau dan Dia. Itu sudah memadai. Bersangka baiklah dengan tuhanmu. Dia sedang merencanakan sesuatu yang terindah buat dirimu yang mungkin tidak pernah tercapai dek akal fikiranmu. Sangka baik. Pasrah. Syukur.

Moga Dia meminjamkan secebis kekuatan dariNya kerana Dialah yang Maha Kuat.