I started having this kind of illness since I was 17. I cannot control my mind from thinking too much, and I will think about it until my heart beats so fast.

And now, there are so many things have happened in my life. Situation here has made it become worst. Last two weeks, probably the worst week I had in my life. I feel my head gonna explode. The anxiety is real. I went to the clinic and the doctor gave me anti-depressants with mc for a whole week. I went there alone by taking uber and it was the first time I go to the clinic at putrajaya. On the same day, I went to the putrajaya sentral, also by myself and bought bus ticket on the spot to kuantan.

I didn't told anyone that I got MC, except the lecturers. Including my roommate. I got many messages from my friends here asking me where am I, do I quit the school and what so ever. I ignored all of their messages until friday.

The week that I told you, the heaviest week in my life, I don't know how many times I've been crying. I shut people out. I don't eat. I sleep for the whole day. No, I don't want to remember anymore how was me on that week.

The anti-depressants, it gave me headache. But it helps to control my mind, my heartbeat. The side-effects so cruel. My body feel so weak. I know I can not take it too much since it has bad effects to me. But, I have to.

Now, I start to do all the things by myself. I go everywhere, buy foods, go to class just by myself. I barely talk. And I don't have any idea what I want to talk about. I distance myself from people, so they will not have any chance to give my any anxiety.

I went through day by day all by myself. I try not to think anything that made me feel worst and told myself "it's okay for being like this and that".